i'm still debating photography vs. graphic design. this may take my entire life.

today, 12:47 pm, addams mac lab:

me: mike, can you stop being a patronizing asshole for two fucking seconds?!
mike: i will when you stop being emotional and start listening to reason!

love hate. soooo love hate.

but i do need to loosen up on taking little things sooo seriously. but at the same time, people in my house need to learn to communicate better, and possibly crawl out of our own assholes every so often.

one thing i scored when home with will was his mom's brownie hawkeye, which she got as a gift when she was seven. we need to get some medium format film from calumet and hopefully take some sweet pictures this weekend, maybe at charity ball with everyone all dolled up.

i need more creative motivation to make more art, outside of class limitations and strict deadlines with tedious assignments. i've got my old school nikon slr, and my polaroid camera, my canon powershot, and now a brownie hawkeye... but in between art projects and papers and socializing, it seems all i really have time for is lying on my bed staring at the ceiling for five minutes before i pass out. it's a shame, all the things i want to do...

i got crush party invites done, ready to be sent. turned out to be a bigger bitch than expected, but it's nice to do something silly and trivial like this especially after weeks of nonstop academia.

it's silly how much of a girl i've really become, what with the worrying about boys, and the fashion magazines, and the constant need for retail therapy, and the whining (according to anthony), and the emotional shit (according to mike)... but at least it's relatively kept under my superficial layer of "frat boy" and "chillness." i think life would be so much more boring without all this randomness clashing with itself. then i wouldn't be special like my mother never told me i was.